Soon
by KellieKat
Summary: Derek wants to take the next step.


"Penelope Garcia, will you marry me?"

Penelope's mouth hung open as she stared into the eyes of the man she knew she couldn't live without. She could see the moment his heart broke when she finally found her voice and whispered, "Derek. . . I can't."

Derek seemed to be moving in slow motion as he closed the small black box in his hand, stood up off the floor, and returned to his seat opposite Penelope. A conversation they'd had together years and years ago flickered through his memory; Kevin had been about to propose, and Penelope had been terrified, insisting that getting married would eventually end in heartbreak. He'd thought she was past that with him.

"Why can't you trust me, Penelope?" he choked out, his voice barely audible above the clinking of forks and chatter of other restaurant patrons.

"Derek, it's not . . . God," she stammered. Her voice was raising in pitch the way it always did when she was upset, and she had to take her glasses off for a moment to wipe the tears from her eyes.

Derek just shook his head, tears now streaming freely down his face. "You still think I'm gonna break your heart," he said softly. He'd tried so hard to prove to her, time and time again, how much she meant to him, and he'd finally thought she was ready for this. Apparently, though, he'd never be good enough. He knew he'd earned her love, but it seemed he could never warrant her trust.

Without meeting his eyes, Penelope grabbed her purse, whispered, "I'll be in the car," and disappeared behind him. Derek waited only a minute or two before throwing some cash on the table to pay for their overpriced, half-eaten meal and following suit.

* * *

They drove back to Penelope's apartment - which they each secretly started to think of as their apartment - in a broken sort of silence that they'd never shared before. Both Penelope and Derek had known the quiet of heartbreak before, of course, but this was the first time they were feeling it together.

Penelope played with a bracelet absentmindedly as she rode. Right now, she wanted more than anything to go back to that moment at the restaurant and just say "yes". She wanted to marry Derek, truly, and she was more than furious with herself for letting fear stop her from taking that leap. It wasn't that she feared Derek; she trusted him with her life and with her heart. As she ran a small silver charm back and forth between her fingers, she realized that she trusted Derek even more than she trusted herself, and that was the problem. Of course she trusted Derek to keep loving her; she just didn't trust herself to keep deserving it.

* * *

The big black SUV rumbled to a stop in the spot next to Penelope's, and she clicked off her seatbelt and looked over we shoulder.

"Derek, I-" She started, her voice soft and uneven. His expression remained hard and cold, and Penelope's chest ached as she realized talk was futile. With a teary sigh, she whispered, "I love you, Derek," before climbing slowly out of the car and watching him drive away.

* * *

The gentle scratch of stubble against her neck woke Penelope from her fitful sleep that night. "Der," she murmured sleepily, and eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she rolled over to face the man she never thought she'd see here in her bed again.

"I love you too, Penelope," he said softly, and kissed her gently. She wrapped her arms around his familiar neck and moved to deepen the kiss, but stopped when her fingers fell upon something most unfamiliar.

"What's this?" She asked, an tugged gently on the chain until she found what he was wearing around his neck. Her eyes watered again as she ran her fingers gently along the beautiful diamond ring. She would have picked this out herself; he knew her so well.

"I'm just holding onto it, baby," Derek said, his voice cracking with tears as he pulled her close an whispered into her hair, "Until you're ready."

* * *

Penelope cried herself to sleep in his strong arms. As they lay their in the darkness, she marveled at how committed Derek was to her. She turned him down, but he came back. She was on her way to believing that he'd always come back.

She thought (incorrectly) that Derek was asleep when she whispered the word that gave him a hope to hold onto: "Soon."


End file.
